The BitCoin Experts

Before Craig arrived, the scene was one of pure anarchy…. self proclaimed “experts” running the space without challenge, Roger Ver, Max Keiser, Mark Karpeles, Adam Back, Nick Szabos, to name a few, and the BTC god, Andreas Antonopolous. Whatever they spruiked was gospel.

“Code is law”,
“Szabos is Satoshi”,
“Bitcoin is for banking the unbanked”,
“destroy the banks..”
“destroy governments”
“liberty for all”
people flocked to every word they tweeted, and to their events.

With my mantra of Melbourne being the BitCoin capital of the world I was keen for our bitcoin blockchain centre to host some of the big names in bitcoin, I contacted Andreas via twitter to find out if he was willing to drop in for a visit whilst he was in the Southern Hemisphere for NewZealand’s Bitcoin South conference. Pure delight when he said he would call in on his way to those little islands to our East, and he connected me with Tatiana Moroz to organise all the details. Tatiana was a libertarian singer songwriter who apparently brought him to tears when he heard her bitcoin jingle played live at an event, he was a big fan of hers, or so she told me.

It certainly seemed that way during the numerous chats we had before she arrived, at my place. Low on funds she couldn’t afford a hotel and I agreed to let her stay with me, would be fun I thought. She arrived a week before the rushed event we pulled together for Andreas much to the horror of the NZ organisers. Fran Stranjar was apparently furious “now Aussies won’t come to NZ”, Tatiana was also going to NZ and had direct communication with MrBraveNewCoin who used her to pass on the message. She’d slept with Fran during his world tour a few months prior, that’s when he offered her the gig, and a bed at his place if she came to the conference.

Coinjar, as the sponsors of the talk here offered Andreas $5k for his troubles, which he gave to Tatiana due to possible contractual disputes with the NZ crew. She had been asking me about onboarding a video crew to upload her interviews, thinking she’d be able to eventually talk me into that role by wearing me out with the question. Nobody bit into the “want to work with a NY bitcoin superstar?” spiel, and she was a little distressed when she realised I really meant “NO”. With this extra funding she started to think for who from New York she could offer a flight over, “I’ve got a good friend although she’s got a daughter which could be inconvenient… or…. Dean”. The thought of another possible princess in my space was too much to bear “DEAN” I insisted.

By that stage we were five days into her staying with me and I was starting to get a little edgy, marijuana was the only thing we had in common. It wasn’t long before she made her intention for the DownUnder excursion clear, she wanted to find a husband… because she was fast approaching that stage of panic some women hit in their 30’s, particularly the ones struggling to be in a stable relationship for longer than a month. “Are you on Tinder?” was one of the questions she asked me once the effects of my magical green butter kicked in. “What does that mean?” I had no idea what a tinder was. Her answer explained why she was spending so much time on her phone swiping left and right.

Within no time she was out meeting guys, I was both grateful to have my peaceful space back, and amused to hear that she thought she’d meet a husband on a sex site. I knew somebody who had found a life partner that way, the site she used was direct and up front about what people were meeting for, not pretending to be a friendship connection… I found was curious for Tatiana to prove me wrong. I usually got a run down on her Melbourne “dates” including how she rated their performance in bed and whether they’d get another chance… only one guy, Byron, the cricketer made it to that list, she thought there was a chance with him, and, he drove a Mercedes.

Andreas still hadn’t arrived, Dean, however, was arriving on the Monday of her second week which was one day before Andreas… and Pam, another well known name in the BitCoin space… graced our shores. “They’re in a relationship but don’t tell anybody… it’s why he’s comfortable with me here… then people don’t suspect they’re together” after hearing my response to tinder I could see she took joy in confiding these potential little shock factors with me. I didn’t have another spare bed so I had to organise one for Dean who would also be staying with us… um who exactly WAS Dean? “A friend, he’s worked with Alex Jones, Sean Stone, and he was the only person I could think of that would be able to fly over at short notice… and, he can edit video’s.” Oh, Ok.

2 hours after the new spare bed was delivered there was a knock on the door, I was introduced to Dean. “hey Tatiana, that was crazy timing, I just got out off jail” “meet Dale” “hello Ma’am, you guys don’t pack here, do you?” “pack what?” “guns” “um, no, we don’t” “that’s a real shame”. He slept for almost 24 hours to get into Australia’s timezone and prepare for the entourage the following day.

To test how they’d work together as a team I organised an Absinthe tour at a local bar, the owner was curious to hear more about bitcoin and we were keen to hear how the regulatory aspects of that particular potent alcohol made its way into the mainstream. That’s how I found myself sitting at a table watching the ceremonious nature of that clear liquid being poured through sugar cubes hearing responses as the “connoisseurs” poured the poison down their throats…. when a message came though on my phone “meet me in the toilets”. By this stage the word strange had taken a different meaning, to be getting a message from somebody sitting opposite me at the same table was normal.

“you won’t believe it”… my eyebrows didn’t even raise anymore “he wants a threesome, that guy sitting next to me is from tinder, he found me here…. he just sent me a message…. and yeah, he wants a threesome”. What a predicament “do you?” “OMG no, look at him, he’s like 12 years old or something” “he can’t be, he’s drinking absinthe” “you’re not taking this seriously”. We had a serious mode now? So fascinated by the absinthe ritual, I hadn’t taken any notice of the guy sitting next to her, and didn’t know what I had to do with the situation, surely he didn’t want me in the threesome “no, with his mate”. “do you want to do it?” “hell no” “well, say no”.

It was the drama that got to me, all those stories inside other stories of people living lies. Her way out was Andreas, she then let me know he was sitting with Pamela at a faux greek restaurant across the street, and she’d agreed to meet him 30 minutes after we finished recording the absinthe event. I wasn’t supposed to know about Pamela so it was clear I wasn’t invited, he expected to meet me at the event the next day. The best Greek restaurant was only a block away, they’d chosen the wrong one and he didn’t want to meet me. CoinJar were also taking the credit for having organised the event which although convenient, the guy in NZ still knew it was my doing and hated me for it. I was quickly losing interest in being part of the whole thing and wanted it to be over.

While she dined with the bitcoin royals, me and Dean packed everything up as he asked me questions about what was expected of him “you’ll be editing this footage for quick release to let the world know Andreas is in town” “she didn’t tell me that, I don’t have any of my editing software”. This gift just kept on giving.

Next day was the big event, BitCoin expert Andreas Antonopolous would be speaking with to over 200 people who had rustled up from all over town to hear their god speak. I was standing in the kitchen in my pajama’s getting breakfast when she walked into the kitchen “we’re leaving in 30 minutes” “cool”. 15 minutes later as I tucked into my steak:

“we’re about to go”
“ok”
“are you going to get dressed?”
“nah. I’m not going”
“WHAT?” This time her eyebrows raised as Dean stood in the background curious to hear the conversation
“what do you mean you’re not going?”
“exactly that, I’m not going.”
“but this is Andreas, speaking today”
“yeah, I know, I organised it…. remember?”

“what do you mean you’re not going? You can’t be serious?”

I was, and I was not budging.

I’d had enough, the entourage was leaving the following day and I had other things to do. TheBitCoinDoco had just been released, I was still in contact with Craig and those clowns were testing my patience I just wanted to see the back of them. Apparently the day was a huge success, the fanbois in suits got their photo’s taken, autographs and social media attention and everybody raved about it. “Let’s do this again”

NO WAY.

The drama continued, Tatiana arrived at Fran’s house in NewZealand with surprise guest Dean. On arrival she learned that Fran’s girlfriend also lived at the house so she didn’t think it would be a problem. Fran saw it as a problem and Dean had to quickly find alternate accommodation in the most expensive part of NZ. The dynamics just got worse from there, when Dean and Tatiana arrived back in Australia for their return journey they weren’t speaking… Dean went to Sydney, Tatiana stayed with me (as we had originally agreed) to see if her potential husband, Byron the cricketer, was still interested.

Her in tears:
“I was wearing my sexiest black lingerie…. and” between sobs, a look of horror “he had the TV on”
“don’t tell me, the cricket?”
“Yes! He kept getting upset because I blocked the view”

She’s still not married, and BTC celebrities continue being BTC celebrities.